Discovering that your child is self-harming can feel terrifying, confusing, and heartbreaking all at once. Whether you’ve noticed long sleeves in warm weather, unexplained scratches, or changes in mood, it’s natural to feel desperate to help—but unsure where to start.
At Ascend Behavioral Health, we work with young people and families every day who are navigating the pain, fear, and confusion that come with self-injury. This guide will walk you through what to do if your child is self-harming, how to keep them safe, and how to support their mental health long-term.
If Your Child Is in Immediate Danger
If your child has suicidal thoughts, is actively trying to hurt themselves, or poses a danger to others, call 911 immediately or go to the nearest emergency room.
You can also call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline to connect with trained counselors 24/7.
Safety always comes first—everything else can be handled once your child is physically safe.
Understanding Why Teens Self-Harm
Self-harm—sometimes called self-injury, self-mutilation, or non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI)—is when someone intentionally causes pain to themselves, not as a suicide attempt but as a way to cope with emotional pain, overwhelming feelings, or a sense of numbness.
Common forms of self-injury may include:
- Cutting, scratching, or burning the skin
- Hitting or punching oneself
- Pulling hair or picking at wounds
- Misusing food, drugs, or alcohol as forms of punishment or relief
Self-harm releases endorphins, the brain’s “feel-good” chemicals, providing temporary emotional relief. But over time, it becomes a dangerous cycle that can worsen mental health problems like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and substance use.
According to recent data from the NHS and U.S. health agencies, self-harm is more common among young people aged 12–18 years old, and especially among those struggling with low self-esteem, social isolation, or exposure to self-harm behaviors on social media.
Step 1: Stay Calm and Grounded
If you discover your child has been self-injuring, your first reaction might be shock, anger, or panic—but how you respond in that moment can deeply affect their willingness to open up.
Try to:
- Stay calm. Take a breath before responding. Your composure helps your child feel safe.
- Avoid judgment. Don’t yell, threaten, or express disgust. This can reinforce their shame.
- Listen first. Say something simple like, “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Can you help me understand what’s going on?”
Remember: your child isn’t doing this to get attention—they’re doing it because they don’t know how else to manage what they’re feeling.
Step 2: Check for Injuries and Ensure Immediate Safety
Once you’ve calmed down, gently assess whether your child’s injuries need medical care. If there’s significant bleeding, burns, or risk of infection, contact your primary care provider or go to urgent care right away.
If you suspect thoughts of suicide, take it seriously—even if they insist “it’s not that bad.” Many who self-harm experience suicidal thoughts during certain periods of time. It’s always better to err on the side of caution and contact a mental health professional or emergency services.
You can also help reduce immediate risk by:
- Removing sharp objects, razors, or items commonly used for self-injury
- Ensuring medications or substances are locked away
- Creating a safety plan together (more on that below)
Step 3: Create a Safety Plan
A safety plan is a personalized, written guide that helps your child identify what to do when urges to self-harm appear. It typically includes:
- Warning Signs – feelings, thoughts, or situations that trigger the urge to self-injure
- Coping Strategies – healthier alternatives like drawing, journaling, squeezing ice, or listening to music
- Safe People to Contact – trusted family members, friends, teachers, or therapists
- Professional Help – contact numbers for pediatricians, therapists, or a support group
- Crisis Contacts – the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or 911 for emergencies
Having this plan ready helps your child feel empowered—and reassures you that there’s structure in place when emotions run high. Creating an effective safety plan is one of the many ways a professional mental health program can support families. We understand that most parents don’t naturally have the tools or training to build this alone, which is why our clinical team works closely with families to develop strategies that truly keep their child safe and supported.
Step 4: Seek Professional Help
While love and patience are powerful, professional help is essential for understanding and treating self-injurious behavior. At Ascend Behavioral Health, our clinicians specialize in helping teens work through difficult emotions in healthy ways.
Effective forms of therapy may include:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps teens identify and reframe negative thought patterns.
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): Focuses on coping strategies, mindfulness, and emotional regulation.
- Family Therapy: Strengthens communication and understanding between parents and teens.
- Trauma-Informed Care: Addresses underlying mental illness or trauma that may be fueling self-harm.
For younger children, pediatricians or school counselors can also provide referrals to appropriate mental health professionals and treatment options.
Step 5: Encourage Healthy Coping Skills
Self-harm often becomes a way to survive overwhelming feelings—so it’s crucial to teach new tools that make emotional pain feel more manageable. Encourage your child to try:
- Deep breathing or guided meditation
- Exercise, dance, or outdoor walks to release stress
- Art, journaling, or creative writing to express emotions safely
- Cold water or holding ice to replace physical pain with sensory grounding
- Joining a support group for teens with mental health problems
You can model this by using your own coping techniques when stressed. Teens notice far more than we think—and seeing calm, consistent behavior from parents helps them learn regulation skills by example.
Step 6: Stay Connected and Keep Checking In
Recovery from self-harm behaviors isn’t always linear. There may be relapses, emotional setbacks, or long quiet stretches where your child seems fine. That’s why it’s vital to check in regularly—not just when things seem bad.
Ask open-ended questions like:
- “How have you been coping this week?”
- “What’s been hardest for you lately?”
- “Is there something you wish I understood better?”
Try to make these conversations feel natural and nonjudgmental. Even short, daily check-ins help maintain emotional safety and trust.
Step 7: Address Underlying Risk Factors
Self-harm rarely exists in isolation—it’s often a sign of deeper struggles like anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or eating disorders. Some risk factors include:
- Bullying or social rejection
- Exposure to self-harm content on social media
- Academic pressure or perfectionism
- Family conflict or trauma
- Struggles with identity or belonging
By addressing these underlying mental health challenges with therapy and communication, your child can begin to heal both the cause and the symptom.
Step 8: Support Your Own Mental Health
Parents often forget to care for themselves while helping their child. Supporting someone in emotional pain can be draining—especially when you’re managing fear, guilt, or confusion.
Consider seeking your own support group or counseling, where you can process your feelings and learn effective parenting strategies. Remember, your well-being directly affects your child’s ability to recover.
Step 9: Build a Long-Term Support Network
Recovery from self-injury takes time and consistency. Surround your family with a network of care that includes:
- Therapists and counselors experienced in treating NSSI and adolescent mental health
- School support staff, such as counselors or psychologists
- Trusted family members or mentors
- Primary care providers and pediatricians
- Community programs and mental health organizations like NAMI or local youth centers
At Ascend, we believe recovery isn’t about “fixing” your child—it’s about teaching them to manage emotions, build resilience, and rediscover their sense of worth.
Step 10: Remember—Healing Is Possible
Many teens who once struggled with self-harm go on to live full, healthy lives. With consistent professional help, open communication, and unconditional love, recovery is not just possible—it’s likely.
Celebrate small victories: going a week without self-injury, opening up in therapy, or simply sharing difficult feelings instead of acting on them. Healing happens gradually, but it does happen.
When You’re Not Sure What to Do Next
If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, reach out to Ascend Behavioral Health for guidance. Our compassionate team specializes in helping young people heal from self-harm behaviors, depression, and mental health problems through evidence-based, family-centered care.
You don’t have to go through this alone—and neither does your child.
Call our team today or reach out through our website to learn more about self-harm treatment options near you and how we can help your family take the next step toward well-being and hope.
In Crisis?
If your child is in immediate danger or experiencing thoughts of suicide, call 911 right now.
For confidential help 24/7, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or text HELLO to 741741.
You are not alone—and help is available right now.
